Six Surprising Ways Your Bedroom Life Changes In Your 30s, Revealed
We get it, the big 3-0 feels a little daunting. Not only are you likely a third of the way through your life (yikes) — but it’s a time when you start packing away those binge-drinking habits you mastered in college to pay more attention to where you’d like to be in a few years. Or, you know, the rest of your life.
But apart from thinking about your 401K, your career goals and saving for a retirement you’re crossing your fingers (and toes) that you’ll actually get to, it’s also a time when you might be considering falling in love, possibly tying the knot and, eventually, having those babies. But to make all of that possible — and to get a woman to accept that bended knee question — it’s important to make sure your sex game is at it’s peak condition.
Your fourth decade is actually a time when you’ll see your sex life change in many — very positive! — ways. While you might feel like you’re slowing down from your playboy days of sleeping around or getting your jollies off with anyone who was around (no judgment bro), as you get more serious about a real relationship, your performance gets better, too. “Although a generalization, many men take a moment to breathe in their 30s,” sexologist Coleen Singer says. “This is due in part to men paying more attention to the needs of their partner — which is a great thing.”
Here are the ways your sex life changes in your 30s:
1. Your Hormones Are Calming The F Down
Singer adds that while the widely trusted and respected Kinsey Report from 1948 found that men have a hormonal peak around the age of 18, this is very different from a performance peak, which happens much later in your life. “Once your testosterone is not raging so much, many men are invested in pleasuring their partner, as well as themselves.” This means that those evenings where you finish much too fast or you give up trying to get her off will start decreasing quickly. Why? You aren’t purely driven by the own chemicals in your body, but by a great experience for you and your leading lady.
2. You Pay More Attention To Detail
By the age of 30, you’ve likely slept with more than handful of women. Or if you’re been more of an eternal monogamist, you’ve spent a lot of time with different women over many years. From the good and bad experience with those partners, Singer says you’ve learned how to tune in to a woman’s body and read the signals she’s giving you that’ll help you get her — and you! — to orgasm. “You have an increased awareness of her movements and the verbal cues of what is turning her on and what isn’t working,” she explains. “This means you’re better at making her happy.”
3. You Have More Patience
Though the average age of marriage in the United States is 29 for men, if you haven’t quite reached the alter, you probably are at least thinking about being in a relationship that lasts longer than a Tinder swipe. Because of this, when it comes to sex, you’re more patient about not only when it happens, but how long it lasts and how you take your time to get to know someone, Singer says. “Patience definitely becomes a virtue,” she says. “You now have a more relaxed attitude and pace, which results in a less rushed and more enjoyable mutual experience.”
4. You Actually Look Forward To The Post-Coital Cuddle
Even if you’ve had those booty-call (or friends-with-benefits) types of relationships with past girls, these days you probably don’t have quite the same energy level to put up with the drama that comes with casual sex. Instead, when you do get it on with a woman, you actually enjoy spending time together — either cuddling or talking — after you both finish. “Although some men obviously hop on, hop off and then go to sleep, many men over 30, make a point to have quality time after sex together,” Singer says.
5. You’re Better At Foreplay
If you haven’t figured out by now how important it is to have at least some foreplay before you try to start intercourse, then your past (and future) girlfriends are likely quite frustrated with you. Chances are in your 30s, you’ve not only realized how hot giving oral sex can truly be, but you’ve mastered the art of it. Singer adds that as men grow, they value the importance of their partner being satisfied and actually get off on her getting off more than just having the experience be about your hard on.
6. You Don’t See Sex As Your Entire Life
…and you probably don’t think about it as often as you used to. But hey, that’s not only okay, but it’s healthy for your relationship. Dr. Nikki Martinez, Psy.D., LCPC says that as men age, their responsibilities grow, making sex less of a major priority. “Many men have settled into a career, children and marriage, or are starting to make plans to do that,” she explains. “These can create distance and pressure that takes away from their sex life because they are tired, stressed and have other things on their mind. While things might not be as carefree as they once were in their relationship and sex life, when they are intimate, they savor the experience more.”